Random thoughts that flit through the mind of a semi-neurotic woman.
Monday, April 23, 2007
My Life
Is like a song whose tune changes dramatically each second.
Nice opening huh? Well it's back to finding a new job because I really am beginning to hate this job. No bonuses, no raises (I've capped off), health insurance took me 6 months to get and my bosses are..well..actually most of them are really nice so I won't complain.
Me and Jay went to go see my Uncle Joe in upstate. Fun, fun it was.
My mom's birthday is coming up, got her a new lcd tv for a good deal. Hopefully it will ship in time. What else?
Sick..very sick. I can't breathe and I can't swallow. Jay thinks I'm joking but I'm not. I'm really sick (*sad panda*).
Well I didn't get the job I was applying for. I really liked the place too and the partners were super nice and I felt it was a job that I could eventually move up from.
I feel like the jobs I've been getting are mostly dead end jobs or jobs that I have absolutely no interest in. This one was slightly different and I'm very, very disappointed that I didn't get the job.
They said that they really did like me too. It's unfortunate I didn't know the software so basically it was based on skill.
Sometimes I wonder where I'm going to end up, what I'll be doing in the future. In truth I don't really have a career. I've got jobs but nothing to even call a "Career".
That sort of makes me slightly depressed and tired of looking and applying for job upon job upon job.
I always move from my job at least after a year because I get bored of it, because it gets monotinous. I feel like I've no goal and that everything I'm doing is really pointless and mediocre.
I wish I can talk to someone about this. Its making me slightly depressed you know. Nobody really understands how important a job is that will pay for your tuition. I can't take out anymore loans. I'm totally maxed out on loans. I can barely save enough for rent much less tuition fees.
Sometimes I wish I can win millions of dollars or that I was smart before and saved my money but then I never did, how can I when I was working to pay for school and even when I was working it wasn't enough to cover it. I always ended up taking loans. It's really ridiculous. And slightly depressing.
That was really why I wanted the damn job in the first place. It was a way to pursue the degree without having the added trouble of paying the tuition for it.
Possibly, or hoping to get a new job. We'll see soon. I'm not really sure, they called me 2 twice already, I met the staff and they called me this morning but I didn't get a chance to pick up my phone. I just want to know if they will be hiring me or if they won't be so I can put my hopes up for a different job.
Right now I have a current job so it isn't that bad. But its very very very boring and very very very mundane. Hopefully I will get a chance to actually work with this new company and get better hours. The 9-5 pm sounds ALOT better in comparison to what they originally wanted me to work.
Had a dream last night..it was one of those dreams that you wake from and you feel like things are going to go down the shit tubes and then it bothers you all day.
I am feeling anxious, like something bad will happen, I wish it will just happen just to get it over with. I hate that feeling.
Nothing to really talk about. Happy Easter and all that fun stuff. It was pretty good, me and Jay went to my family's party. Jay played basketball for 20 minutes before wanting to pass out on the floor. I played some tennis, it was pretty good.
We saw Grindhouse. I liked the first movie more then the second movie. Rodriguez's fast paced storyline caught my attention more.
Hmm..what else. Little tiff here and there but things are settling down. For some reason me and Jay are both super tired even though we really didn't do anything. Hopefully we're both not drowning into depression (sometimes it seems like it).
What else? Nothing else, talked to my friend Jess, she's getting married in august in Hawaii. I may have to save for it. Hopefully I can do it.
I had one this morning. I woke up, got the barbequed chicken ready then went back to bed for about an hour. It was during that time that I had the worst dream and the best part, I knew it was a dream so I just walked about letting myself feel the emotions.
My dream had to do with Jay not acting like his normal self, and another too. It was the way I saw them, heard them, talked with them and the way I was treated, like I was an idiot that was blind to their ways.
Everything screamed betrayal and when I woke up, I couldn't breathe. I was afraid it would happen, that I would be the fool. It took me a good couple of minutes to get my head straight and talk myself out of it.
Well..so that was my weird dream of the day. Hopefully all it was is a dream and it has no portentious meaning.
Is donating an egg from your body an unethical or ethical choice? I've always wondered. On one hand you will be helping a family on another it is basically your child you are giving away, for money nonetheless.
Why do I ask? One of my friends were actually talking about doing it. I myself couldn't perceive doing such a thing but her, well I suppose it is up to her.
I'm not sure. Just something I am pondering about.
About Me: A graduate of Hunter College with a B.A. in American Literature. I flit around from various arts, games, blogs just sampling. Haven't really settled on anything yet.
I enjoy spending time with my tormentor, Jay and his dog Baron Von Doom (yes, that's his full name).
